Getting Better. Even if it means reading a book.
Posts tagged tilt
At first I thought I was playing poker.
Feb 3rd
This post was going to start with me fuming on the car ride home after a dismal night at the casino. But after a little reflection, I realized the bad night wasn’t the point, it was my bad thinking.
It started with me sitting at a $100 NLH game. There was this drunk guy, so drunk the dealer had to help him count his chips drunk. He was sitting in front of a pile of chips and raising every, and I mean every, hand. It looked like easy money. In a pronounced slur, he would tell anybody who listened that he had racked up over a $1000 in less than half an hour.
It was obvious this guy wasn’t walking out of the casino with one dime of this money. I figured, why not be a pal and help him part with it. Why wait for a great hand? This guy’s drunk, why not help myself?
I pick up a very marginal hand. It’s an insta-fold against anyone but this guy. He raises and I’m happy to get it all in. He’s happy to call.
I have him dominated. He catches. Re-buy. No big deal.
Soon, I’m against him heads up again. He puts in his auto-raise. Once again, I figure I’m ahead and I call. Turns out I’m right again, but moments later, I’m out another buy-in.
This happens a few more times.
Getting the picture? Of course you do. At first glance, I was outraged I wasn’t winning. But then I started thinking about it. I may have known where I was, but truthfully I was barely ahead. At best, no more than 70/30.
I never considered there was a good chance I could lose four times in a row. In my excitement to take down the King of Coronas, I didn’t factor in the grim reality: he had the chips to weather the storm and I didn’t.
Big mistake.
So now I realize that I didn’t even play poker that night. I gambled on a few expensive coin flips.
And from now on, that’s not why I play poker.
Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net
Free Online Poker — a safe way to be on full tilt
Jan 30th
I am not a fan of free poker. It’s an oxymoron. Poker by its very definition needs to be played for money. If it doesn’t hurt to lose, it’s not poker.
That said, I have come to realize there is a time and place for the free online game.
In order to win in poker, you have to be controlled, disciplined, smart and lucky. As we all know, you can be at the top of your game, do everything right, and still lose. That’s one of the most frustrating things about poker. Do everything right, but still lose.
After a week’s worth of losing, either due to bad playing (probably) or bad beats (unlikely) I really want to say “fuck it” to good play. This discipline, control and smart play hasn’t gotten me anywhere, so I think.
Enter FREE ONLINE POKER.
Talk about going all in with impunity. This is the place. 9–2 off UTG, sure. All in. Flop is A-A-K and I have pocket deuces. Fuck it. ALL IN!
This is where I go when I just can’t take it anymore. I can act like a jack ass. Push with junk. Call with junk. Act like a donkey. I get all of this out of my system. Welcome to the donkey farm.
Truthfully, I’m not happy until until at least six people are wishing cancer on me in the chat window. “What? You want to play real poker? Get two nickels to rub together, assholes!” I’m here for a purpose. This is free poker and I’m going all in every hand until I damn well feel and or play better.
Besides, I don’t feel as bad making a bunch of jerks hate me as I do after kicking the dog or punching a wall. Ouch. For the record, I never punched my dog. I did call him a douchebag once.
After 15 minutes of being this poker maniac, I feel better. The best part is I worked out some frustration and my bankroll is still intact.
I occasionally play free on-line poker to shake off the shit and stress from my real game.
Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net
Full Tilt’s Rush Poker — A lesson in focus.….I think.
Jan 29th
I wish I could tell you a surefire strategy to beat the online poker site’s new game. But I can’t. Not even close. I have no idea how to win in that game. I think it starts with a raise and then I’m not sure where to go from there. Maybe a little patience might give you a leg up. What do I know? I’ve logged in for forty five minutes and played more hands than my first six months of poker combined.
The thing that hit me most about Full Tilt’s Rush poker is how important it is not to look back. In Rush, there is no way to see how the hand would’ve ended. You’re whisked away to another table. You have a new decision to make. You don’t have time to think about what went right or wrong in the last hand.
Unlike regular poker, in Rush there is no “What if?” because the hand really doesn’t exist anymore. There’s not even a way to see “What if?” Actually, this is great, because if there ever were a shitty game, it’s “What if?” It’s a subtle variation on the timeless classic “Would’ve, should’ve, could’ve.” Actually, it’s the same game with a different title. Kinda like playing NYC Monopoly or Grateful Dead Monopoly. Same game, different theme.
Now I’m not saying there isn’t a place for reflection about your game or your life. It’s essential. Just not at the table.
I always have to remember to be in the moment at the poker table. That’s the only thing that matters right now. Who cares if my KQ would have made a straight? Thinking about it only distracts me from the hand at hand. It’s a recipe to compound my losses or, if I’m basking in the glory of an amazing play, minimize my wins.
So I’m going to keep playing Rush. Stay focused and try to avoid writing blog posts while I’m doing it. Because at 300 hands an hour, it’s damn near impossible.
I play poker to help me stay focused in the present.
Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net
Poker Therapy
Jan 27th
In elementary school I got beat up everyday by Jarett Moore. We were about the same size, but for some reason when he picked on me, I wouldn’t fight back.
Thirty years later the sense of shame for never fighting back is still palpable. Actually, it’s embarrassing and haunting. The only comfort I have in these memories is that by not fighting back I probably avoided living my life with a limp. Had I somehow managed to level Jarett, his brother or one of his 57 cousins would have removed my head and shat down my throat. R.I.P.
After thirty years on the shrink’s couch, I have finally learned to stand up for myself, though sometimes my timing is bad. Whenever there is a bully at the poker table, I always have the same knee jerk reaction: you’re not going to push me around. This is great when I have the nuts, but when I am on a stone cold bluff and Joe Bully re-raises, this reaction is a recipe for disaster.
Problem is, I never believe people’s bets. My rational brain thinks there is a chance I am beat, but my alligator brain says, EAT THAT FISH. You see, I have this gift. With 99% accuracy, I can mistakenly think someone is bullying me when they are not.
I realize that the poker table is a very expensive and completely unsympathetic place to work out my childhood turmoils. When I am feeling strong, I look for and attack the poor suckers who have the tell tale signs of being in poker therapy. And yet some nights my childhood gets the better of me. I am the sucker and have a very expensive poker therapy session.
You’d think by now I would pick a new place to work this out, but I have come to terms with the fact that from time to time I will find sadistic comfort in being picked on. I guess I am addicted to the rush of confrontation and the challenge of standing up to the bully. Even if the only person I am fighting with is myself.
Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net
Like Dexter, I also have a “Dark Passenger.”
Jan 25th
“I’m all in!”
“I call!”
He shows me his straight. I muck my 2 pair in disgust. It’s not that I got outplayed. That doesn’t piss me off too much. What DOES piss me off is when I make a solid game plan on the way to the casino, but when I get there, my dark passenger takes over and the game plan goes out the door. It’s like I am two people. On the one hand, I am a responsible father and husband. Patient, creative and frugal. On the other hand, I am an aggressive poker player — impatient, impulsive and sometimes reckless.
Okay, maybe my comparison to Dexter is an exaggeration. After all, its been years since I hacked up some evil dude and threw his body parts in the ocean.
I have the same conversation every time I go to the casino. “Today I am going to play tight. No fishing. Only play position. Fold draws when I don’t have the odds. Go home when I lose my edge. Don’t go on tilt when I get a bad beat. And most importantly, FOLD WHEN I KNOW I AM BEAT!” I look in the mirror. Remind myself that I am in control.
Then I get to the casino, fast walk to the felt and plop down my chips and eagerly await my first Christmas present. 2 minutes later, all my chips are in the middle. 3 way action and I am on the nut flush draw on the flop. I almost have odds and convince myself this is a good spot to get it all in. 30 seconds later.….I am on tilt, calling for chips and ready to gamble. Just like that, enter my dark passenger. It doesn’t take long until, I have lost my second buy-in. At this point, I look at my phone and realize I have been here for only 75 minutes. Luckily the wallpaper on my iPhone is a picture of my son. Instantly I snap back. My horns retract, my fangs retreat, my tail disappears and I am myself again. I breath deeply and remind myself that I am not defined by my last hand of poker.
I am always surprised when my dark side comes out, but I have come to be grateful for him as well. I use him as a measure for my personal growth. The day I can take a beating and shake it off will be the day I have made it to the next level of consciousness. It may sound a bit metaphysical, but that’s one of the reasons I play poker.
Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net
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