Getting Better. Even if it means reading a book.
Archive for February, 2010
Pay the man his money. Eric Schwartz — $100 richer.
Feb 23rd
It’s time to pay up, just like KGB said in Rounders so many years ago. Eric Schwartz is the winner of one hundred American dollars for his submission to whydoiplaypoker. Thanks to everybody who submitted. We learned a lot. Mostly, that people don’t want to submit their stories. This is why Eric Schwartz will be the first and last recipient of our monthly giveaway. Feel free to continue to submit, were just not paying anymore.
But we do want to share Eric’s submission. So here goes…
Why do I play poker?
Two Words.
Mel Fucking Gibson.
Mel Fucking paternal holocaust-denying (fine, Mister Christian. I’m a crucifixion denier. Who’s got the photographic evidence?) Gibson.
Mad Douchebag Max, no matter how batshit insane, no matter how much the asshole no matter many whiskeys beyond Thunderdome he rides, will always get the better table at Spago or whateverthefuck ” in” place there is now, which I wouldn’t know about because I’m not Mel Shrimping the Malibu Barbie Gibcuntson.
Because in life, money, power, they play. They play always. Guaranteed if Mother Theresa and Mel Gibfelch wanted front and center at the Bon Jovi reunion, the wrinkled nun would be hanging with the lepers in coach. By lepers, I mean me, except I fucking hate Bon Jovi, probably because he’d get the seats right next to Mel Gibanalslurp.
But sit Mel Downundereater next to me at Hollywood Park and we have a different situation. At the table, we are equal. For at the table, money? Power? Irrelevant. What matters is the cards. And cards change every hand. That means fortune changes every hand. I’m a songwriter. I wait for inspiration. I hope for talent. I pray for flashes of brilliance, for the perfect song. These things might never come. But you wait long enough, you sit long enough, you are patient enough and have a big enough bankroll to survive the doubts, droughts and suck-outs, you WILL find yourself looking at the corners of two cards, bent upwards underneath your unwashed thumb, with As on them. And when you do, and when Mister Cockodile Dundee whips out his uncircumcised, latex-ignorant kangadong and throws it on the table, you can chop that motherfucker off and smile all the way up the 405.
And that is why I play poker.
Thanks Eric! See you at the tables!
Stay tuned for our aboutface at whydoipoker.net!
Wow that was a shitload of exclamation points!
Full Tilt Poker — I Banned Myself
Feb 12th
It used to be that I would put $100 in my FTP account and have a good time. Play a few sit-n-gos and win or lose, it was entertaining.
Wait, what the fuck am I saying? I NEVER and I mean NEVER have really felt that way. I am competitive to the bone and every fiber in my body always wants to win. $1, $5, $100, I don’t care. I want to be the best and I want to win. Ok, I got that off my chest.
So 2 days ago I put $100 into Full Tilt and got ready for some sit n go action. First 2 go well, a first place and a third place. Then, I hit the skids. In the course of 2 hours, I played 6 multi table tournaments. I play my usual game — tight early on, then open up as the blinds get higher in order to steal blinds, then when it gets to the bubble stage I either push or fold. It usually comes down to coin flips and as everyone knows, you gotta win the flips if you’re gonna win the tourney.
I have come to accept that I am going to bust out before the money this way fairly often. It’s a bitter pill to swallow when it happens, but when I win the flips it is sweet perfection. This is a winning style of poker.….unless.…..
You lose every fucking coin flip.
You see, on this particular night I was running really well pre-flop. I was catching good cards, making the right folds and pushing when I had the best of it. Only problem was none of my hands would hold up. Don’t get me wrong, I am not crying bad beat here. It just sucked to be kicked in the balls over and over. I was at worst a 60/40 winner in 7 coin flip situations and didn’t win one of them. I got 2 outed, 3 outed and 4 outed over and over.
I’ll admit it. I titled. I steamed off $20 in a sit n go by pushing on the flop with a queen high flush draw. Of course I got called by the Ace high flush draw. Just one of those nights.
In the end, I realize that on line poker just isn’t for me. Call me crazy, but I did the most extreme thing I could think of.
I BANNED MYSELF FROM FTP, permanently.
Instead of donating money to undeserving poker players, I have decided the next time I want to waste $100 playing online poker, I’ll just send a check to Haiti and then go play with my son. Better use of time. Better use of money.
I play ONLINE poker to remind myself to never again play online poker.
Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net
I’m not showing my cards any more.
Feb 11th
I think sometimes I’m too nice. I like to think of myself as a hard-nosed player. But I’m not. Sometimes It hits me that I want people to like me almost as much as I like chips. Especially at home games.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be the dick who begrudgingly gets an invite when the game is short. But I’m not giving away information anymore in the hopes of being liked.
Here’s my pledge.
- No more showing my ace to make my opponent feeling good about his fold.
- No more showing my successful bluffs even though it probably is the most satisfying activity in existence.
- No more showing my aces in the big blind when everyone folds in hopes of some sympathy.
Truthfully, I don’t even think showing hands gives away that much information. It just wreaks of cooperation and that has no place at the poker table.
If there’s still some part of my personality that needs to be liked I will compensate by bringing more snacks, better beer. But I will not show my cards.
I used to play poker to make friends. As of today, I play to win.
Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net
Winning Poker — How to Crack the Code
Feb 9th
I enjoy the process of figuring things out. Puzzles make me feel alive. Get my brain swirling about in the best of ways.
You probably think I am going to say that poker is the biggest puzzle I have ever encountered. Not true. That award goes to being a husband and father. Much harder AND much more rewarding. But poker comes in second.
There is something so enticing about the puzzle that we call poker. With all the books, discussion groups and casinos, there are literally thousands of avenues to explore that can you help you crack the code. Most of us have tried them all. So why aren’t more of us winning? As I’ve said before, I am not a winning poker player, so I often ask myself why I play?
To crack the code.
More than money, ego, bragging rights or that adrenaline rush of getting a one-outer on the river, I play poker simply to figure out what it takes to be a winner. What is that formula?
I keep a book of all my sessions:
When I play. For how long. What stakes. What game. Won/lost amount. Who I play against.
This book is a cryptic puzzle that I desperately want to figure out. Somewhere in those pages is the answer as to why I don’t win more money at poker.
Some of the answers are obvious: I play when I am tired. I play against better players. I go on tilt and give away my last $30 (did that last night!). I play too long. I play too loose when I am winning. I don’t leave when I am losing.
On closer look, I realize these are not results, but really symptoms. There is something deeper. Something within myself that prevents me from winning more money. Not sure what that is yet.
I just started reading a great book: The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. It says that rich people think differently than poor people. This reminded of Alan Schoonmaker’s book, Poker Winners Are Different.
Both books imply that rich people and winners (in poker this is often the same thing) have different wiring in their brain.
If that’s the case, then I guess I need brain surgery. Now I need to figure out how to pay for that.
Maybe I’ll win the WSOP Main Event. A few million should cover the surgery, right?
Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net
Winning Poker Formula:Play Against the Weak. Losing Poker Formula:Play Against the Strong
Feb 5th
I’ll just come out and say it: I play poker to win money.
Just like any other poker player, I will take money from my friends, my enemies, my neighbor, the fathers of my son’s pre-school friends and even my wife. Hell, if my grandmother would sit down with me I would try my darnedest to take her money as well.
In order to win more money at poker, I have done what any true poker player does: study.
I study a lot.
I buy the books: Sit ‘n Go Strategy, Harrington on Hold ‘em, Online Ace, etc. I underline important parts, take notes and implement the techniques.
I take internet courses: Deepstacks University, the online interactive course endorsed by Mike “The Mouth” Matusow. (great site by the way!)
I have discussions with fellow poker players about strategy, odds, etc.
You’d think with all this diligent work my results would be better. Online I am a break even player. Home games:winner. Casino games: loser. To be honest, I am an overall loser in poker. Not huge numbers, but enough to irk me. Make me want to crack the nut.
After all this studying, practicing and playing, I have come to realize there is only one REAL winning formula for poker: Play against players that are worse than you are. Sounds simple, but it’s true. This is a predatory sport and the strong feast on the weak.
You want to beat the game, look for the table full of losers.
Top 10 Traits of a Losing Poker Player:
10. He has a short stack. A good player knows that to win, his stack has to be replenished. Otherwise he’s not playing poker. It’s called playing bingo.
9. A big talker, giving lessons = BIG LOSER.
8. Looks like he’s been up all night. Probably trying to get even. Winners go home when they are losing and cut their losses.
7. Complains about back beats.
6. Goes to the ATM. Definitely means he is going beyond his intended budget and probably not using good bankroll management.
5. Plays almost every hand: loser
4. Tries to verbally intimidate the other players. LOSER!
3. Talks about how much he won last night. LOOOOOOO-SER!
2. Throws his cards at the dealer.
1. Makes quick over-sized bets.
I am probably not telling you anything new. But how many of us truly abide by these rules. It ain’t rocket science, but it works. In fact, it works way better than reading, studying or talking about poker. To paraphrase Texas Dolly: Poker is a game of people played with cards.
I play poker to win money from the weak.
Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net
At first I thought I was playing poker.
Feb 3rd
This post was going to start with me fuming on the car ride home after a dismal night at the casino. But after a little reflection, I realized the bad night wasn’t the point, it was my bad thinking.
It started with me sitting at a $100 NLH game. There was this drunk guy, so drunk the dealer had to help him count his chips drunk. He was sitting in front of a pile of chips and raising every, and I mean every, hand. It looked like easy money. In a pronounced slur, he would tell anybody who listened that he had racked up over a $1000 in less than half an hour.
It was obvious this guy wasn’t walking out of the casino with one dime of this money. I figured, why not be a pal and help him part with it. Why wait for a great hand? This guy’s drunk, why not help myself?
I pick up a very marginal hand. It’s an insta-fold against anyone but this guy. He raises and I’m happy to get it all in. He’s happy to call.
I have him dominated. He catches. Re-buy. No big deal.
Soon, I’m against him heads up again. He puts in his auto-raise. Once again, I figure I’m ahead and I call. Turns out I’m right again, but moments later, I’m out another buy-in.
This happens a few more times.
Getting the picture? Of course you do. At first glance, I was outraged I wasn’t winning. But then I started thinking about it. I may have known where I was, but truthfully I was barely ahead. At best, no more than 70/30.
I never considered there was a good chance I could lose four times in a row. In my excitement to take down the King of Coronas, I didn’t factor in the grim reality: he had the chips to weather the storm and I didn’t.
Big mistake.
So now I realize that I didn’t even play poker that night. I gambled on a few expensive coin flips.
And from now on, that’s not why I play poker.
Why do you play? Let me know at stories@whydoiplaypoker.net
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